Mystery Malady Spreading Through Governor’s Office: Diagnosed in Sandoval Campaign HQ, Elsewhere

Jim Gibbons and Brian Sandoval Suffering from Invisibility Malady

Jim Gibbons and Brian Sandoval Suffering from Invisibility Malady

A strange illness originally seen in the Nevada Governor’s office in Carson City is now spreading through the campaign sites of several prominent Republican candidates.

The malady,whose main symptom appears to be an astounding loss of visibility, was first reported when no one could quite determine the location of the putative Gube of Nevada, one James Tiberius Gibbons, during a recent meeting of the state prison board.

“It was as if he didn’t show up at all,” explained a staffer working for Nevada Secretary of State Ross Miller, who wished to remain anonymous due to lack of ontological standing. “Why, the A[ttorney] G[eneral Catherine Cortez Masto] and Ross simply vote for whatever they want, just like Gibbons were invisible or something.” The staffer was referring to a recent decision by the prison board, which consists of the Governor, the Secretary of State, and Attorney General, where a proposal by Gibbons to close a prison was voted down. (RJ)

The strange illness was soon found to be spreading throughout the Nevada’s administrative branch of state government as staffers suddenly failed to appear at Legislative budget reviews. (RJ,Sun) “It wasn’t that they didn’t attend,” insisted one staffer on promise of anonymity due to chronic incorporeality, “they were freaking invisible, man!”

Reports are now coming in that Guberatorial candidate Brian Sandoval, rumored to be the Guberator’s missing twin brother, has also been overcome with the disease, as an extensive man-hunt has failed to pinpoint his exact location. Some doctors speculate the Mr. Sandoval may also be suffering from nodebateitus, an illness that sometimes overcomes candidates lacking anything interesting to say besides “no new taxes.” “Sandoval and Mr. Gibbons seem to have that lack of meaningful budgetary policy in common,” said a pundit from UNLV who wished to remain anonymous because he was moving to a school that actually has pay checks.

The strange disease manifested itself at a recent meeting of the Nevada State Republican party where prominent Republicans John Ensign, and Dean Heller, as well as Jim Gibbons, could not be seen. Asked why he wasn’t invisible, Mayor Oscar Goodman, who was attending the meeting but no one knew why, replied, “Ha. There’s more gin than blood in my veins, newbie! Ain’t a bug alive that could live in there for two seconds!”

Francis Plutarch III, who was attending the convention, added, shaking his head, “You silly liberal press. You just don’t get it. If you want to see any of the candidates, simply hold a couple of teabags over your eyes! Poof, like magic! You’ll see anything you want!”

Reports are now coming in that the Guberator is planning to make his almost ex-wife disappear as well, given that the Reno house is about to be sold. (Sun) Selling the house was a condition of the couple’s divorce settlement. “The invisibility of the Gibbons can’t come soon enough for Nevadans,” said one disreputable blogger, who hardly needs to be named.

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