The Harry and Sharron Old Time Gospel Hour!

Finally, a campaign issue you can sink your Urim and Thummin into!

Now, if you’re like me, you always vote for the candidate you most likely think has God on their side. That’s making the Nevada Senate race particularly difficult this year, what with Sharron Angle calling the poor and unemployed idolaters, all because they expect a little help from the Federal Government in hard times instead of relying on prayer and stuff like divining rods and praying to Taco Jesus, like me.

Of course, if you sit down and listen carefully to Angle’s rant about idolatry, like you would if you were the producer of the Harry and Sharron Old Time Gospel Hour, like me, you can’t help being just a bit puzzled. If the Federal Government is a False Idol, as Sharron claims, why would she want to go work for it as a United State Senator? Isn’t that like going to work for the Golden Calf? Seems to me that if she really thought government were a False Idol, she’d run in the opposite direction. Maybe get a gospel show on the T.V. or something.

And if lobbyists are part of that idolatry, as she says somewhere in her sibylline meanderings, why then is she so pleased to be endorsed by a PAC consisting of lobbyists just about a minute later? Is she trying to get splattered by divine static electricity or something? That PAC is filled with fine upstanding Muslim-bashers, too, who won’t say no to tea in the White House, despite it being idolatry ground zero, according to them.

What do they have against Allah, I wonder? He hates idolatry, too.

Now I suppose one could complain the Angle and the Christian Reconstructionists are rather grotesquely perverting the views of old Paul Tillich, a famous Protestant theologian who attacked folks who make governments into false idols. Tillich, however, mainly had in mind, and despised, the Nazi party in Germany, which borrowed the idea from the Roman Empire that totalitarian regimes work best when you worship the boss like a god.

Tillich would probably also say that anyone who “worships” a national flag is an idolater, too. I wonder if Sharron thinks the flag of the United States is sacred? Hope not, because that would be like worshiping that Golden Calf, a clear violation of Commandment Numero Uno, seems to me.

Still, let’s face it. Angle is small potatoes in the anointed candidate department. She’s never been named Mormon of the Year by Times and Seasons, for example, though some mobocratic local brethren don’t seem to read that illustrious publication.

Of course, having the God of the Nephites behind him might not bode too well for Senator Reid. After all, old hanging Chad Christensen thought he had Joseph’s and Brigham’s endorsements, and look how well that worked out. He got run over by the Angle Lamanite express.

Looks like we’ll need that Urim and Thummim to figure out who’s really got God on their side in this election. We could, I suppose, turn to another religious tradition for some help here. The Greek god Dionysus offers inspiration–just down a few stiff ones on voting day.

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